Divorces suck. That’s the only thing that some divorcing couples can agree on!
In most divorces the matrimonial home needs to be handled. Sometimes one spouse buys out the other spouse, but in most cases the home needs to be sold. This can be an emotional process, often turning into a battle ground for the other issues of the divorce.
THE CHALLENGE
Emotions can be high and the natural point of view for many people going through a divorce is one of conflict and anger. This couple was no different; they fought about everything and each was convinced the other person was “screwing me over”.
Communication was going to be troublesome.
THE SOLUTION WE CAME UP WITH
John sat down with each spouse separately and laid out some ground rules that all 3, including John, would need to agree to. He gave each spouse the opportunity to add in their rules as well so long as they fit within the framework of open communication and collaboration.
The goal was to isolate the process of selling the home from the rest of the divorce.
John compiled the rules and emailed them to each spouse, making it a part of the listing agreement. The rules were simple:
- John would share ALL communication and information with both spouses.
- They would set up a WhatsApp chat that was dedicated to ONLY the sale of the house. Nothing else was to be brought up in this chat.
- It was agreed that the occupying spouse would grant good access, keep the home clean, and make every effort to present the home in it’s best state to potential buyers.
- The non-occupying spouse agreed to keep their distance from the house during the sales process.
- They agreed in advance to use a neutral lawyer for the real estate aspect of the divorce rather than advocating for 1 divorce lawyer over the other.
- There was consensus in advance, in writing, on what they would accept as a sales price and terms. This reduced conflict and damaging delays when an offer came in later.
By agreeing to these terms in advance, the points of conflict involving the sale of the house were greatly reduced.
THE RESULTS
Not only did the house sell, but it sold smoothly and without any conflict. By having expectations set out ahead of time, we were able to work collaboratively to get the home sold to a motivated buyer.
A few years later one of the spouses told John that it was the way he handled the sale that allowed them to set similar guidelines and boundaries for other aspects of the divorce, it was a great framework for them. They told him that because of the “olive branch” created during the real estate sale, they were stronger co-parents and even got to the point where they could talk to each other and attend events without fighting.
“We’ll never be friends again, but at least the kids don’t see us fight anymore” was the comment that stuck with John. That was the real takeaway for him.
